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What makes a good neighbor?

Jennifer Prophete, of St. Louis, thinks about this question a lot. She grew up on a ranch in rural Nebraska where, she says, “community was just how you lived.” Her husband, Samuel, is originally from Haiti, where community is “as regular as oxygen.” So when they moved their family to St. Louis a number of years ago, they wondered if their new neighborhood would feel the same way.  

They moved in the middle of December and knew the midwest winter often kept people indoors. But a neighbor across the street spotted their moving truck and strolled over to welcome them. Several days later, she invited Prophete’s family and a few neighbors over for hot chocolate. “That was a fantastic way to just help us feel like we belonged here,” Prophete recalls.

Other acts of “good neighboring” soon followed. When her nephew moved from Haiti to live with them, the local pastor connected her to two neighbors whose kids went to the same school. The neighbors immediately offered to drive him to and from school. And when a group of moms who gathered at the morning bus stop learned that a neighbor had been diagnosed with cancer, the group immediately organized meal deliveries to her home.

Prophete says she now understands that “neighboring” becomes a culture. One person shows up for her neighbor and then that person reciprocates or shows up for another neighbor, and before long there is a network of people showing up for each other. “Then, it’s just like, ‘This is what we do here.’”

Prophete jokes that her neighborhood sometimes feels like a college dorm, where people go in and out of their neighbors’ doors. “I show up with someone’s kid at other people’s houses all the time,” she says. Prophete has organized a girls’ book club and hosted Haitian food nights; an Indian family followed suit and hosted an ethnic food night; a group of kids even started their own running club. Neighbors gather informally in each others’ yards all the time and host more formal indoor gatherings during colder months.

 “All of these folks were weavers who impacted me,” Prophete says. “They primed me to pay it forward, to be the next person who would do that kind of stuff for other people.”

Prophete now runs a nonprofit called the Hopeful Neighborhood Project, which provides tools and resources to help folks build strong, connected neighborhoods. The organization publishes a number of helpful neighboring guides on their website and is one of the prime movers behind National Good Neighbor Day, which takes place every year on September 28.

Building a connected community doesn’t mean you have to be best friends with or even like everyone on your street, Prophete notes. “If you feel that every neighbor needs to turn into your friend, you’ll probably stay in your house, because that’s not possible,” she says. A more practical goal is to deepen neighborhood connections to a point where mutual trust exists.

National Good Neighbor Day is the perfect catalyst for building these connections, Prophete says, because it gives people an “actionable excuse” to reach out to others. “If you haven’t talked to your neighbors for 10 years, it’s awkward to show up and be like, ‘Here’s some cookies!’” she points out. 

The holiday offers a low-pressure opportunity to step outside, sit in your front yard, and say hello to people. And you can take part even if you don’t know anyone who lives near you. “Just get one person’s name,” she advises. “That is building connection.” The single most important thing is to connect with someone who lives in proximity to you — a neighbor, Prophete concludes. “That’s our North Star. That’s what we’re trying to do.”

If you want to celebrate National Good Neighbor Day in your neighborhood this year, there’s plenty of time to get started. Check out the National Good Neighbor Day website for free guides and resources to help you celebrate on September 28. 

The post National Good Neighbor Day gives folks a chance to start building connection appeared first on Aspen Institute.